The Things They Carried

So much has been said on "the facebook" about what my fellow teachers will and will not carry with them as they travel to the UAE. As I read through those bits and pieces of home that we strive to fit into the limited baggage we are allowed a few things come to mind.

The first is the novel The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. We too carry the tangible and the intangible with us. Some of deciding to take pets because of how much they mean to us, our children really. Or the pictures of things to remind us of home when all we see is sand and sun and maybe camels. I plan to bring the boulder people (a collection of rocks from the shores of Lake Superior {ask K about the boulder people}). A bottle of shells from the MANY trips to the beach. I am still debating on whether or not to add the fish bowl and the frog box, we are trying for the minimalist here.

But the it is the intangible that makes a mark that others may only sense when we read the posts and talk of the unknown future. The guilt of leaving the beloved pet behind, knowing that the goodbye may be the last one. The heartache of missing  myriad family functions and milestones. The elation of finally being free to travel to places once thought beyond our grasp. The worry of  the possibilities of what may be when we get there. I too have some of this in my baggage, more than I let on but it is there.

So we sort and we pack and we decide what is essential and what is discard-able. I think of the numerous times I have packed and moved and the enormous need to keep all of what I have because in some ways it defined me. Looking back I think it was fear of the unknown that kept me with my stuff. As I purge the belongings I have, I realize the stuff is just stuff. My memories, my friends, my family, they are what is important. 

Back to a state of anticipation

So I had a little medical scare that had me thinking I would not get to make my planned move to Abu Dhabi. Fortunately it was just a false positive but it lead me to think about all the changes we are making and the impact they can have. We are literally selling everything and moving halfway around the world. We are taking a leap of faith that all will be okay, not perfect but different, interesting, learning experiences.

I am a huge what if person. So I have to try to put a positive spin on that. Let's see some Emily for that:


I dwell in Possibility--
A fairer House than Prose--
More numerous of Windows--
Superior--for Doors--

Of Chambers as the Cedars--
Impregnable of Eye--
And for an Everlasting Roof
The Gambrels of the Sky--

Of Visitors--the fairest--
For Occupation--This--
The spreading wide my narrow Hands
To gather Paradise--

~Emily Dickinson

So we move forward, embracing a minimalist lifestyle (except for the shoes dammit!). We look forward to the journey and trust in God that the destination will be there we it needs to be there. I think what I look forward to the most is time to be a couple, to learn again why we stay together, what makes us a good fit. K continues to amaze and infuriate me on a daily basis. In so many ways he is the boy I met 25 years ago. I look at him and my heart is full. And then of course I want to slap him because he opened his mouth. So we shall see!

A little off the path

So today has caused me to contemplate my relationship with God. For those of you who truly know me, you know that I tend to be a pendulum in this arena. I believe in God, but have a hard time with the formal religious beliefs. I like the liturgical year in Christianity, there is a rythym and flow that gives me a sense of peace. Other religions also hold beliefs that ring true to me and the sense I have in the core of my being is God is God.

I miss time spent daily with God. I miss the community of worshipers and time spent in prayer. I miss belonging to a church family. So why do I let it go? If I had an answer I would fix it. I tend to lean on God in the dark times. I still remember to give thanks and bask in the wonder He has put here for us, but know that this is not "all in."

So how often do I pray for helps for me but ignore praying for others? (I do pray for others but not in a daily mindful way.) I have friends whose faith inspires me daily to work on this relationships. Strong women and men whose faith is evident in how they are in the world. Yet, still I don't walk the way I wish.

For those of you so inclined, pray for me, my family, and God's will (which is always the scariest prayer for me, for His will not mine) and His blessing. And help me as I work to get back to where in my heart I want to be but keep getting distracted by ...look, yellow bird!

Jeremiah 17:7-8 (New International Version)

 ⁷ “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
   whose confidence is in him.
⁸ They will be like a tree planted by the water
   that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
   its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
   and never fails to bear fruit.”

Well, you'll be closer when I move to Australia...

This was my dad's reaction when I told him the news. Obviously it went better than anticipated and surprisingly well taken. Of course this is now the third mention of Australia.We shall see how that turns out. Of course he told me Hong Kong might have been better but he was okay with my choice.

Of course then the inevitable questions of what about Ka.  We shared she would be staying in the house and all was right in the world. So now we just wait for papers to be sent and returned and e-tickets to be granted. I am not to the place where this is real yet. Perhaps by July I will begin to feel the weight of this decision. We shall see.

The waiting is the hardest part.

So we plan to finally tell Dad about the news. Sunday is D-day! I know my mind will not change based on his reaction but it doesn't make it any easier. I know he must be lonely without my mom but he does need to understand that K and I are ready for some adventure.

Speaking of adventure, we are considering our Christmas plans and our summer plans already. Christmas is a a mystery, I think we will decide based on cost. I will no longer have traditional holidays anyway. (Maybe for the the grandkids...) But this is my AWESOME for summer. Kr is getting married in August so we will fly home. then we will look for a repositioning cruise to Europe and then train trip to Turkey (or somewhere) then a flight home. I have always wanted to "backpack" across Europe and this will be the "mid-life crisis" version. Will it work out, who knows, but what the heck! So what would you do? Where would you go? I just want to see all the things I haven't so that is a big bunch of choice.

Wish us luck for Sunday! 

Authentication Begins!

So off went the documents to Tallahassee and Saint Paul for step one in the authentication process. Now the wait for their return begins. I am hoping they are back within the next couple of weeks so that I can get them to Pro_Ex for the next steps by June 1st. That should have everything done before I leave on August ??. I read about all my fellow teachers beginning to pack and I look at the lack of stuff to pack. I suppose some shoes could go in the duffel but so far all I can say i am taking are some shoes and some books, maybe towels.

I wish that time would both speed up and slow down....


The good news for the week is that Kr will postpone her "real" wedding until next August and I will get to be a part of it. That made me sooooo happy, even though I know she is a little disappointed.  It ill be awesome!

I have memories - but only a fool stores his past in the future. ~David Gerrold

So with this in mind, the process of letting go has been bittersweet. Yesterday K and I went through 3 tubs of correspondence that spanned our 25 year relationship. From notes passed in high school to letters to Korea and beyond.

I guess what amazes me the most, is even though neither of us believe we have changed we have. From the first fits of infatuation to the enduring love I know we have there have been many bumps (boulders, black ice, etc) in the road. I think when you have longevity you can better see the minuscule nature of the fight that occurs today. i hope both Kr and Ka can navigate the roads they are both on. Compromise is never easy but it is necessary for  progress.

Most of what we went through is destined for the burn pile. Somethings are too personal to leave to be sorted by others. We did save a few things here and there for later perusal, but most items needed to be filed only mentally.

Off to continue to cull the wheat from the chaff (this is really hard when it comes to books). I wonder how many books = 50LBS?
R